My Identity Isn't Found In What Others Say About Me

by Alycia W Morales
@AlyciaMorales

Life Lesson #10

Where do you get your identity from?

Is it the things others say about you? Your career? Your relationships?

I am many things: Wife, Mother, Step-mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend, Writer, Editor, Reader,  Crafter, Perfectionist, Multi-tasker, and so much more.

If I found my identity in what others said of me when I was young, I would be a loser, ugly, an outcast, unworthy of love or affection or attention. (Peers)

Or, I would be the teacher's pet, a great student, going places, smart, intelligent. (Teachers)

Honestly, I can't remember what my parents said about me at that time of life. But I can remember that they were hard-working, poured themselves into their careers. They loved me, for sure. But I was rebellious at that age, so I wasn't focused on them so much as I was focused on myself.

Which didn't get me very far.

The voices that followed me to college said I was depressed, lonely, striving, a seeker of affection/attention, a chameleon who could fit in anywhere out of desperation to fit in anywhere, yet still a good friend and student.

As long as I kept seeking to find my identity in relationships and what I did, I didn't succeed at any of it. I continued in unhealthy relationships with college-aged men and was depressed and alone for two years.

It wasn't until I met Jesus for the first time in forever that I was able to truly find myself. It wasn't until I gave my heart to Him that I truly knew who I was created to be.

It wasn't until I read my Bible and prayed and sought out God's heart that I discovered just how much I am loved. How to have a healthy relationship with anyone else - my parents, my mentors, my husband, my children, my friends. It wasn't until I met God that I discovered what I was created to do with my life on earth. Which, surprisingly, is what I wanted to do all along - write. That and other things.

And it wasn't until I got to know Jesus that I realized that my identity comes from God, not what others say of me. Sure, some do really know me and know what lives within me - and what they say still matters to me. But the enemy, unfortunately, will also try to use those same people to pull me down and rip my heart apart. Thankfully, I know who I am in Christ and can discern that it's not my husband or my child who is coming against me in that moment. So I can let those fiery darts bounce right off the helmet of my salvation, keeping my thoughts focused on who God says I am. And I can let those fiery darts bounce right off my breastplate of righteousness, because I am covered in the blood of Jesus, who holds my heart strong. And in those moments I can bring a word from the Gospel of Peace, which is sharper than any two-edged sword and can cut straight down into the matter and right the heart of the person the enemy has chosen to use to attempt to bring me harm.

So where do you choose to get your identity from? Is it time to find a new you?

Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness ... So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them." 

Genesis 1:26-27

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Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that not everyone is going to like me. And even those who love me will be able to point out at least one flaw in me. 

Whether it's the length of my haircut, the extra-long hair on my chin that I missed plucking, or the fact that I like to be alone when others wish I were more snuggly, there will always be something I could improve.

It's so easy to change things these days. Too much cellulite hanging from that tummy? Lipo it. Don't like your hair color? Dye it. Have blue eyes and wish they were green? Tinted contacts.

But what if I don't want to change?

What if I like myself just the way God intended me to be?

What if I like my perfectionist side? I think it's what causes me to strive for excellence in all I do.

Even when I fall short.

What if I like being alone? Need my space? My down time? It allows me the time I need to recharge so I can face tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day.

And the next time the kids fight. And the next time I get a text and have to drop everything to do something for my husband. And the next time the dog pees on the floor and I have to clean it up.

Because God wired me that way. Which is okay, because He said we'd need to rest.

My husband has a short temper. But he's passionate. My oldest son is sensitive. But he's compassionate. My middle son pushes everyone's buttons. But he's a go-getter. My daughter worries too much. But she's protective. My youngest son doesn't like to talk to people much. But he's a deep thinker.

It's easy to find faults in others. It's easy to dislike them because of these faults.

But it's just as easy to find the awesome in them too. If we'll take the time to get to know them for who they truly are. And look at them through God's eyes and not our own.

We are, after all, created in His image and likeness.

And we all know that God doesn't make junk.

But man ... man has a bad habit of making all sorts of junk. Especially in the lives of others. And we love to sit on our couches and watch people and their junk and their worlds collapse. Why?

Do we love to laugh at others in their demise? Do we think ourselves better than them? Do we wish we could do something to help? Or are we simply thankful we aren't dealing with that issue in our own lives?

If we were truly Christian (Christ-like) in our attitudes and thinking, we'd turn off the television and pray for those people we love to watch, asking God to reveal the beauty laying dormant inside of them. Because once the camera's turned off, I'm pretty certain there's deep-rooted shame, bitterness, and a desire to be truly loved for who they are hiding deep in the corners of their hearts.

Because we're all created in the image and likeness of God. Yes. Even them.

Even those people who called us "Muttley" or "Four-eyes" or "not good enough."

Even you.

Even me.

And deep down inside, we long to be loved for who God created us to be.

Short hair. Glasses. Rollie-poly tummy. Overtired. Grumpy. Frumpy. Not-so-perfect perfectionist. Chasing my dreams when others think I should get a job. Me.

These are the people this blog is dedicated to. Those imperfect people who want to be loved for who they are, no matter what.

Because when we look at each other as children of God, created in His image and likeness, we look with love. Not condemnation. Not needing to change each other. Not pushing our idea of who we think someone else should be.