My Identity Isn't Found In What Others Say About Me

by Alycia W Morales
@AlyciaMorales

Life Lesson #10

Where do you get your identity from?

Is it the things others say about you? Your career? Your relationships?

I am many things: Wife, Mother, Step-mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend, Writer, Editor, Reader,  Crafter, Perfectionist, Multi-tasker, and so much more.

If I found my identity in what others said of me when I was young, I would be a loser, ugly, an outcast, unworthy of love or affection or attention. (Peers)

Or, I would be the teacher's pet, a great student, going places, smart, intelligent. (Teachers)

Honestly, I can't remember what my parents said about me at that time of life. But I can remember that they were hard-working, poured themselves into their careers. They loved me, for sure. But I was rebellious at that age, so I wasn't focused on them so much as I was focused on myself.

Which didn't get me very far.

The voices that followed me to college said I was depressed, lonely, striving, a seeker of affection/attention, a chameleon who could fit in anywhere out of desperation to fit in anywhere, yet still a good friend and student.

As long as I kept seeking to find my identity in relationships and what I did, I didn't succeed at any of it. I continued in unhealthy relationships with college-aged men and was depressed and alone for two years.

It wasn't until I met Jesus for the first time in forever that I was able to truly find myself. It wasn't until I gave my heart to Him that I truly knew who I was created to be.

It wasn't until I read my Bible and prayed and sought out God's heart that I discovered just how much I am loved. How to have a healthy relationship with anyone else - my parents, my mentors, my husband, my children, my friends. It wasn't until I met God that I discovered what I was created to do with my life on earth. Which, surprisingly, is what I wanted to do all along - write. That and other things.

And it wasn't until I got to know Jesus that I realized that my identity comes from God, not what others say of me. Sure, some do really know me and know what lives within me - and what they say still matters to me. But the enemy, unfortunately, will also try to use those same people to pull me down and rip my heart apart. Thankfully, I know who I am in Christ and can discern that it's not my husband or my child who is coming against me in that moment. So I can let those fiery darts bounce right off the helmet of my salvation, keeping my thoughts focused on who God says I am. And I can let those fiery darts bounce right off my breastplate of righteousness, because I am covered in the blood of Jesus, who holds my heart strong. And in those moments I can bring a word from the Gospel of Peace, which is sharper than any two-edged sword and can cut straight down into the matter and right the heart of the person the enemy has chosen to use to attempt to bring me harm.

So where do you choose to get your identity from? Is it time to find a new you?

Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness ... So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them." 

Genesis 1:26-27

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True Love Isn't Afraid to Speak the Truth

 by Alycia W. Morales
@AlyciaMorales

Life Lesson #9

The women's leadership team sat in our pastor's living room, and his wife asked us to go around the room and let each other know what we loved about one another.

When she got to me, she said, "You know what I love about you? I love that I can take a baseball bat to you and you keep coming back for more."

In other words, I'm teachable. I have a desire to learn. I'm correctable, even if I make the same mistake 50 times before I get it right.

See, I know that I don't know it all. I know that my knowledge is limited. I know that I am not always right. But I refuse to remain stuck in my lack of knowledge.

I refuse to deny that I need to be corrected when someone else sees me erring.

Because I recognize that I can always learn something new. I can always change my way of thinking, so long as it lines up with the word of God. Learning is a lifetime adventure.

And I'm not afraid of the truth. I desire it. Long for it. Seek it out.

I also recognize that LOVE corrects wrong. God's Holy Spirit brings conviction, alerting us to our sinful ways. Revealing our wrong thinking.

Friends sharpen me when they come against my fault. Iron sharpens iron. And for that I am thankful - not angry.

So the next time someone takes the time to point out in love (I'm not talking jealous condemnation here...) that you are in error, rather than lashing out at them in defense, consider what they are saying and take it to the One who desires to change you into His image and likeness.

My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord,

Nor detest His correction;

For whom the Lord loves He corrects,

Just as a father the son in whom he delights.

Proverbs 3:10-12

Tweetable:

True Love Isn't Afraid to Speak the Truth (and why you shouldn't ignore it) {Click to Tweet}

Only fools despise correction. #LifeLessons via @AlyciaMorales {Click to Tweet}

Friday in Focus ~ The Gift Within

By Alycia W. Morales
@AlyciaMorales 
 

Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you ... 
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:6-7

What's that thing deep inside of you that you've put on a shelf because you don't have the time, money, or ability to pursue it? Or maybe you know you've got a talent, but you've shelved it because you don't believe you're good enough for it to matter.

Don't let your gifts lay dormant. God has given them to you for a purpose. Stir them up.

I recently read an interesting post by Seth Godin. Basically, he states it isn't the why or the how that trips us up from doing something we know we're supposed to do. It's the what. It's the fear that we don't know enough, aren't trained enough, don't have the perfect audience yet, don't have the finances yet, and any other fear-based excuse we can come up with that keeps us from stepping out in faith and allowing God to work in our weakness.

There's a gift inside of you that's meant to be given to others as the Holy Spirit prompts you to use it. What would happen if you didn't do so? Who would be missing out on the goodness of God because you are too afraid to open your mouth, write that novel, or serve at that homeless shelter?

Don't let fear stop you from doing what God has called you to do. Let God's power, love, and a sound mind (right-thinking) lead you as you step out in faith in your gifts.

Tweetable:

What is holding you back from using the gift God has given you? {Click to Tweet}

Is your talent laying on a shelf? Pick it up and use it! #NoFear {Click to Tweet}

I'm Not Perfect and Neither Are You

by Alycia W. Morales
@AlyciaMorales

Life Lesson #8

This one's all about grace.

Being a perfectionist, I tend to expect more of myself, which also makes me expect more of others. Which, unfortunately, can lead to judging others. Which I really try hard not to do.

Because if there's one thing I've learned in life, it's this:

Are You Really a Christian? Or Is It Just a Label?

by Alycia W. Morales
@AlyciaMorales

Identity - Part II

My husband sat down with our boys one evening while I was out with our daughter. He handed each of them a sheet of paper and asked them to write down five things they considered to be part of their identity.

Before you read the rest of this post, I encourage you to do the same. Then, click on "read more" and finish reading this post.