Monday, June 8, 2015

Don't Be Another Statistic. Be a Success.

by Alycia W. Morales
@Alycia Morales

Life Lesson #7

Here's a real simple concept: If you're not willing to work hard to make a marriage work, don't get married in the first place.

Marriage is something that takes work. I've been married 17 years this October. The first 5 years of my marriage were hell. The next 5 were a little better but still involved a lot of disagreement and many arguments. While it's gotten better every year, it's only been in the past few that it's really started to feel like we're walking in unity and understanding.

Marriage is never easy. And we still have to work at it.

It's really easy to say you love someone. It's a lot harder to do it. Because love is an action - a verb. Not a feeling or emotion. It's something you choose to do regardless of the circumstances you find yourself in.

So if you're going to get married, be sure you're ready and willing to put in a lot of hard work to make it last, because too many are taking the easy way out.

Divorce should never be in your vocabulary.

Be sure you know your boyfriend/girlfriend well enough before you accept that proposal, because it allows you the option to back out before "I do." Do your research. Make sure ahead of time that they aren't abusive, addicted to pornography, cheaters, etc. And trust your parents, pastors, mentors, friends if they tell you their gut says something is off.

Be sure you're willing to stand firm when life throws boulders your way, because it always does.

Be sure you're willing to persevere through storms and sicknesses and famines, because they will happen.

Be sure you're willing to lay down your great ideas when your spouse doesn't see things the same way. Sometimes we have to admit they may have something better than us, and we have to yield.

Be sure you're willing to lay down your OCD tendencies that drive you to need a clean house, because someone's socks on the floor will always be on the floor.

Be sure you're willing to trust God when your spouse just can't see you for the brilliant person you are or wants to hold something against you that you know is causing deceit to creep into their heart/thoughts. God sees all and knows all. Rest in His love when your spouse is unlikable.

Be sure you're willing to sacrifice, because there will always be something to sacrifice.

Be sure you're willing to listen and understand, because there will always be miscommunication.

Be sure you're willing to forgive and forget, because it's easy to hold a grudge until your list is longer than Santa's.

Be sure you're willing to let the fiery darts bounce off, because it's easy to take harsh words into your heart and allow them to affect your identity and your attitude.

Be sure you're willing to be the bigger person, because it's easy to want to win the fight. And when one of you wins, neither of you wins.

Be sure you're willing to stay when you want to go. Because it's easy to leave. But it's much harder to rebuild your broken life.

Note: I don't condone abuse. If you find yourself in an emotionally abusive relationship, seek counsel. If you find yourself in physical or sexual harm, separate and get the help you and your spouse need. I never recommend staying with someone who is hurting you and threatening your health/life.

If you're in a marriage that isn't abusive and you've found yourself tired of the daily "crap" life throws your way, don't you dare walk out. Because it always takes work to make it ever after.

Refuse to become another statistic. Did you know that the divorce rate among those who call themselves Christians is just as high as the divorce rate among those who don't? What a slap in God's face, to think we have the right to deny His word and get divorced any ol' time we can't stand our spouse's faults anymore...

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